Category: Psychology (Page 2 of 3)

A Tiny Feeling Of Fear by M. Jonathan Lee

December 22, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

“I’ve made a decision to become the only person on the planet to become completely truthful about everything. I’ve never told anyone my secrets before. I’m hoping that being honest with you may just save my life. And perhaps yours.”

This third novel by Jonathan Lee takes the reader through the many insecurities we all experience, through the eyes of Andrew Walker, an ordinary guy with an extraordinary twist to the tale. Jonathan is working closely with MIND and Rethink mental health charities to raise awareness of mental health issues.

Thanks to Publishing Push and the author for gifting me this review copy!

I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book, as the blurb talks about mental health. Was this going to be the crazy ramblings of a manic depressive, or a thinly disguised dream sequence passed off as real life until the very end?

It’s neither. A TINY FEELING OF FEAR is a wonderfully down to earth, no holds barred tale of a man who is suffering from depression. It’s also something more—a story with a crazy, jaw dropping twist that no one could EVER see coming, not in a million years. The plot kept me interested, and I so appreciated the author’s wry humor, especially when describing Walker’s coworkers. After spending time with his office mates, it’s no wonder he was depressed. Hostility and impotence hang over everyone’s head like a miasma, with Andrew Walker at the center. The author’s recounting of a nasty, demanding customer is spot on and cringingly accurate. Anyone who has ever worked in client services will have flashbacks, especially when an angry customer is abusing Walker and we are privy to his mental dialogue. Those are the bright spots. Interspersed with these moments are Walker at his darkest, when he is having such a bad day he can’t even get out of bed and is contemplating suicide. His anxiety and how it affects him is recounted in excruciatingly correct detail; anyone who has suffered from this all too prevalent malady will be intimately familiar with the pounding heart, crushing doubt, and sense of failure. A simple trip to the supermarket nearly turns into a disaster, as Walker almost loses his grip on reality as he travels up and down the aisles.

The one bright spot in his life is his next door neighbor, newly moved in and with issues of her own. The two form an oddly awkward yet comforting relationship, and she helps Walker come to grips with a personal decision that is a long time coming. Some details about his life are revealed very slowly, and I got the sense that even though he was keen enough to make others familiar with the anxiety, I was not permitted to gain very much insight into the man that Walker was. Often the character says that he is worthless, ordinary, and uninteresting, which is normal for someone with depression. Over time, we learn exactly what happened to bring about this life change.

As Walker leaves for a business trip, a few plot lines are near to becoming resolved. I felt so bad for the character and wondered what would be happening–would the author create a happy ending or would there be more misery? Depression and anxiety are not always “fixed”, and I was curious to see how things would turn out. After all, the blurb says that the character is being honest, and this may just save a life.

In any case, no matter what scenario you may have built up in your mind will not prepare you for how things end. Anyone who says they saw this coming is either lying or crazy–or both. I felt exhilarated and manipulated all at the same time, and there were times where I wasn’t sure what just happened. Jonathan Lee is crazy talented and crafty as hell to have pulled this off, that is about all I can say without spoiling the surprise. He has managed to create a book that will spark dialogue about mental illness while entertaining the reader and making their mind boggle. Quite impressive.

Want your own copy? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”B015OQN4ES” locale=”US” nw=”y” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Living With ADD – A Workbook for Adults by Roberts and Jansen

December 8, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

An estimated 3 to 10 million adults in the US struggle with the symptoms of attention-deficit disorder (ADD.) If you’re among this group, this interactive workbook will enable you to identify the personal problems caused by your condition and develop skills for coping with it. Learn how to assess yourself and the ways in which ADD affects your daily life. Then, work through exercises structured to help you deal with self-esteem issues; find out how to change distorted thought patterns, manage stress, and develop a structured approach to starting and finishing tasks. Final chapters offer specific suggestions for handling common problems at work and school, dealing with intimate relationships, and finding support.

Thanks to New Harbinger Publications for this review copy!

While LIVING WITH ADD is a book designed to help the individual struggling with ADD symptoms better understand his or her own situation, I believe that this book would be better sold as a “couples therapy” book than a “self help” book. Kyle and I read this book together, and it did much more to help us understand each other than it did to help me understand myself (to be fair, that may have more to do with my having read multiple books on this topic than with any quality inherent to the book itself).

LIVING WITH ADD follows a format of:
• Introducing a problem faced by ADDers – mood swings, for example
• Describing different ways in which people with ADD typically handle or experience the problem
• Asking the reader about his or her own experience with the problem being discussed, prompting him or her to write and answer directly onto the page
• Providing advice on how to limit the negative impact of the problem on the reader’s life

The idea of this workbook is to help the ADD’er work through frequently encountered problems related to ADD. You don’t have to follow the chapters in order, which may bring joy to an ADD’er’s heart! What’s important is that the reader take the time to think about the exercises and answer truthfully. The questions are both probing and simple, and most all of them provoke a thought process. I found that some of the questions really forced me to come to terms with some of my actions, both in the past and recently.

Kyle would read a chapter first, and then I would read it, filling in the blanks as I went along. She would then look again to see my answers. Since she would have already read the chapter, she would have had time to think about how I might have answered, so that when I would answer differently from how she expected, it would lead to a conversation that made us understand each other more deeply.

I think that people who struggle with ADD symptoms are tired of hearing themselves explain themselves. We feel like we’re making excuses, and our experiences over time teach us that people don’t want to hear it. It’s helpful to have a disinterested third party, like this book, initiate the conversation. For couples who often find themselves getting defensive when they would really just like to get closer, this book might be the right tool to make that happen. If that doesn’t sound like you, you may still stand to learn more about each other.

The wealth of value in this workbook is bolstered by the easygoing, unambiguous prose that neither assumes prior knowledge in the reader, nor disrespects his or her intelligence. It’s an easy read even though it maintains a high level of information density. That is, you won’t find yourself sojourning multiple pages into a chapter wondering when the author will move on. Examples are usually employed to introduce new dimensions to the the problem being discussed. Otherwise, they are included to flesh out a topic that may be difficult to identify with, where the reader might think, “That isn’t me… oh wait. That actually is me.” In LIVING WITH ADD, Ph.Ds. Roberts & Jansen have provided us with a case study for the judicious use of examples in a self-help text.

Finally, the margins on these pages are enormous, leaving tons of room for notes. I was compelled to leave a doodle here and there in my copy!

I feel compelled to conjure up some criticism for this workbook, but nothing serious has come to mind. I would really have to nitpick. One or two of the writing prompts don’t leave enough room for a broad range of possible answers, forcing me to leave them blank. If this wasn’t such a fantastic book, something like this would genuinely irk me. In this case, however, this was a mild curiosity sandwiched by reams of goodness. That these questions stood out to me at all speaks to the overall quality of the rest of the book.

Want your own copy? Know someone with ADD who would like this? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”1572240636″ locale=”US” nw=”y” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Woman on Fire by Amy Jo Goddard

October 8, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

Based on her sought-after sexuality workshops, the coauthor of Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men shows women how to master the 9 elements of sexual empowerment to reclaim their desire and live the sexually fulfilling lives they want.

The prevalence of low sexual desire ranges from 26.7% among premenopausal women to 52.4% among naturally menopausal women. That is an enormous segment of women who are frustrated about their lack of desire and wonder what’s wrong. But in Woman on Fire, Amy Jo Goddard shows us that the more whole we are as sexual beings, the more fulfilled we are as human beings. In this accessible, prescriptive book, Amy Jo reveals her holistic, inside-out approach to developing Sexual Empowerment. Women from 20 to 70 come to her workshops with issues like these: “What am I missing?” “I don’t like sex the way everyone else seems to.” “How do I maintain desire after having kids?” “How do I build sexual confidence?”

In answer, Amy Jo shows us how to master the 9 Elements of a Sexually Empowered Life and includes stories from the thousands of women she has worked with. She shows us how to get (back) in touch with desire, explore vulnerability and play, and push the boundaries of what we think is acceptable. We will not just have better sex, we will have more pleasure throughout life and more intimate relationships, whether we have many partners or one.

Thanks to Roshe Anderson at Penguin Random House for gifting me this review copy!

Amy Jo Goddard is a world reknowned sexual empowerment coach. She has done many things to promote sexuality, feminism, and couple’s communication. With those credentials under her belt, I expected a whole lot from this book –and I wasn’t disappointed!

I started highlighting stuff about 20 pages in. Goddard’s vision is refreshing in that, if society would stop sending women sex-negative messages, they would be able to enjoy themselves more. Women are shamed and made to feel guilty on a regular basis. Mothers tell their daughters to be protective of their body and not be a tease. Girlfriends talk about each other behind their backs, using terms like “slut” and whore”, when peer pressure is at its most effective. Men use their strength against women and hurt their psyche with rape or other types of abuse. Goddard’s message is to let go of your “story”, the tale you may tell yourself and live your life around it (I am a victim, I am a slut, I am someone who has strange sexual tastes) and embrace who you really are. People identify so strongly with their own stories that it can keep them from moving forward.

Goddard says that some of your story, while relevant in the past, may be outdated now. Perhaps you are divorced; perhaps you feel attracted to women now instead of men; perhaps there are things going on in your life that has changed you in other ways. No matter what is happening, it’s time for you to find your voice and speak up for yourself. There is no need for any woman to feel powerless in her life. There is no reason for any woman to hold onto beliefs that don’t serve you (sex before marriage is bad, good girls don’t have that type of fantasy).

In WOMAN ON FIRE, the author outlines 9 elements that are essential to sexual empowerment. She also includes an online portal with exercises and resources that will help the reader get the most out of her book.

As I read each chapter, I could feel myself figuratively “catching on fire” and wanting to become the woman that Goddard says is inside all of us.

I was especially moved by the chapter on emotion and showing up emotionally powerful. Goddard says there is a cause and effect for everything, and that YOU are the cause and your life circumstances are the effects. It makes perfect sense to me—and somehow no other book has every conveyed that in such a clarifying way before.

The writing is supportive, empowering, powerful and bold. This is not a burn-your-bra missive; this is a search-within-yourself journey that just happens to have sex at its core. Women that have contented sex lives will benefit from reading this as well, because Goddard forces you to think about things in a new way.

Her theory is acceptance: of yourself, of your needs, of your desires, of your body. Element 4 is all about your body and the media lies that force unobtainable standards upon women. There is also a section that illustrates the sex organs and explains their function.

Goddard is frank about her past abuse and how she freed herself of her own story, lest there be some women who discredit her theories as being too glib for comfort. Healing from past shame/abuse/loss of power is not easily gained, yet the author is open about her situation and the ways she learned to let go and regain self esteem again. To me, this makes her words more real and more empowering.

Women must learn to be whoever THEY want to be, not trying to live up to someone else’s idea. True, the major portion of this book urges you to awaken your erotic core, but it is also helpful for anyone wanting to gain more self love, confidence, and mindfulness. Here’s an example of how much Goddard wants women to make themselves the best they can be: her confidence quiz. Her website is full of information and encouragement for women of all ages.

Today’s world is full of self help books and buzzwords to make women feel empowered–WOMAN ON FIRE is a book that delivers and supports this attitude with real stories, real scenarios, and authentic support. Kudos to Amy Jo for telling it like it is, free of shame or embarrassment. I hope this book takes the world by storm.

Get your own copy [easyazon_link identifier=”1594633762″ locale=”US” nw=”y” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Loving Someone With Attention Deficit Disorder by Susan Tschudi

September 8, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

Your partner’s attention deficit disorder (ADD) may not seem like a big deal at first, but eventually, the dynamics surrounding his or her impulsivity, forgetfulness, distractibility, and restlessness can really strain your relationship. You don’t want to act like a parent, yet you may feel like you can’t rely on your partner to get things done. Loving Someone with Attention Deficit Disorder is your guide to navigating a relationship with someone with ADD so you can create healthy boundaries while remaining sympathetic to your partner’s symptoms. An essential resource for every couple affected by ADD, this book will help you:

• Understand medication and other treatments
• Recover quickly when your partner’s symptoms frustrate you
• Establish personal boundaries to avoid excessive caretaking
• Identify and take care of your own needs so you can feel more relaxed

Thanks to Cassie Kolias at New Harbinger Publications for providing this review copy!

This book is an addition to my AD/HD shelf. Having read work by renowned author Gina Pera, I was eager to see what this author had to say.

The first chapter was golden. Tschudi’s style is very simple, easy to understand, and speaks to the reader in an understated tone that seems comforting somehow. I especially was affected by the part where she states that ADD is a neurobiological issue—you cannot change your partner no more than you can expect a paraplegic to walk. Obviously you can assist your partner in managing his life better, but first and foremost, he must see the issue and want to do something about it.

That is where the book begins to break down. Much of the rest of Tschudi’s advice is partly helpful, but not relevant to some situations. I did feel that this work would be most helpful to couples whose communication skills are either minimal or non existent. Many ways to broach uncomfortable subjects are offered, with scenarios detailing “real” couples and ADD-related problems.

Example: Due to the husband’s procrastination, both Clark and Marilyn were always late to church. Marilyn hated this, and was upset that nothing seemed to work; not nagging, not threats, etc. So they both sat down and tried an exercise that Tschudi puts forth: brainstorm and come up with solutions to the problem, no matter how outrageous. Write them all down and discuss each one.

This couple did just that, and came up with the idea that Marilyn would take her own car to church, thereby arriving on time and avoiding the stress and arguing that inevitably occurred. Both parties were happy.

Now for my problem with this: I’m sure there are a lot of situations where the woman would take herself to church and grow old waiting for her ADD husband to show up. The only thing changing here is the woman’s behavior. No one is helping the ADD’er to manage his issue. And this seems to be the tone of the rest of the book: to save yourself from anguish, realize that the ADD’er is suffering from neurobiology and may never be able to live a “normal” life. You must learn to live with it, and the sooner you realize this, the better.

I showed this to my resident ADD’er, and he was nonplussed. He said that just because the woman made it to the church on time, that didn’t address the man’s procrastination, and possibly even rewarded it. His take on it was this:

“When you tell someone that you no longer expect of them something that you have expected of them in the past, you may be relieving them of a responsibility, but you’re also taking something away from them. That person can feel the respect you lose for him, and he see the chance to repair it vanish when you take away the opportunity for him to get it right. Strong relationships are built upon respect. We fight for that respect when we think we can win it, but when we think that we can’t, the motivation to do anything may be gone. Obviously, both parties have a stake in the husband getting out of the house on time, but if our solution is going to be for nobody to expect anything from anyone, then these people might as well just break up. That would be even better because it would eliminate all of the conflict. Problem solved!”

Another scenario was a do it yourselfer leaving his unfinished projects in the garage, forcing the wife to park on the street. The “solution” was to have her say to him, “In 3 days I’m going to move your stuff so I can park in the garage”. (Apparently the man hated anyone touching his stuff.) Then she was to say. “In 2 days I’m going to park in the garage, so please move your stuff.”

If the project was not moved, the “solution” was to have the WOMAN MOVE IT HERSELF. Sure, Mr Fix It was mad that his things were touched, but that seems to be adding insult to injury to his wife. Not only did her request go unheeded–but she had to clean up his mess to boot! Not acceptable in my house. My resident ADD’er said this:

As for the matter of the garage that needed cleaning, the author concludes her tale by describing the worst possible outcome. Spoiler: the wife cleans the garage herself. She solved the problem by telling the husband to clean the garage by such-and-such date, or else “I’ll clean it myself.” What did this solve? This husband is being dealt with as if he were a particularly indolent 5^th grader. I personally felt embarrassed when Kyle read this passage to me. I said something to the tune of, “I would like to think that this is not a highly recommended way of dealing with me.” We talked about it, and we decided that this book is probably meant for couples with poor communication skills. However, if this is the case, then the book still commits the crime of teaching couples with poor communication skills to deal with each other by acting in antisocial, dysfunctional ways toward each other.

As I continued to read, it seemed as if the only advice being offered me, the non ADD’er, was to understand that this is how the brain works, and the only solution is for ME to change, by not being bothered by the distractability, the mood swings, the unfinished projects, and the empty promises.

This disturbed me. I felt this was akin to putting earplugs in your ears to avoid hearing your child’s tantrum in a crowded restaurant. Yes, AD/HD is neurobiologic in origin, but that doesn’t mean you can try to make your life the best it can be, by taking your meds, listening to those around you, making lists to help you remember, and knowing your triggers. Sure, spouses of ADD’ers need to take care of themselves too, but hiding your head in the sand about problems and offering a bandaid solution is kind of no solution at all.

So, a mixed review on this one. The sub title does say “improving communication and strengthening your relationship”, and I agree that it accomplishes this task well. Many ways are offered for partners to talk and get the lines open for a meaningful dialogue. However, I do feel that eventually, after the talking is over, the bottom line is that the non ADD’er is supposed to feel better about the improved communication but will still be dealing with the issues. The non ADD’er will have developed healthy personal boundaries and the ability to forgive, but that (to me) only goes so far.

Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh, considering my communication skills are excellent; but I was also hoping for more advice than “Your partner has ADD–forgive him for what he does, as he cannot help it”.

Want your own copy? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”B00DIKV0TY” locale=”US” nw=”y” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Jess Under Pressure by E. Graziani

July 28, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

You didn’t know? You seem like a perceptive, aware woman. You’re a doctor of psychology and sociology. You have a book on the bestseller list about women and coping – and you didn’t know?”

Dr. Jessica Britton’s life sparkles with the sheen of success and happiness. Her bestselling book, “Give More, Do More, Be Better!”, modelled after her own life experiences, inspires readers all over the world to achieve a perfectly balanced lifestyle that includes career, family, and happiness.

This happiness is shattered when Jess’s husband is killed in a fatal car accident, leaving Jess with the shocking truth that her perfect life was nothing more than a carefully veiled wall of illusion.

Consumed by grief for more than her dead husband, Jess unexpectedly leaves Toronto after a particularly grueling interview and finds herself in the small town of Gananoque.

Broken, impaired, and in desperate need of healing, Jess is rescued by Susie, who takes her home, and helps her deal with her situation by letting her know that no one has the perfect life, but everyone can work through their issues and come out stronger on the other side with the right kind of support.

Thanks to Jennifer at Morning Rain Publishing for offering me this book for review. You can visit the author’s page here.

Sometimes women spend their time tearing each other down, rather than building each other up. This book is delightful in that it shows strong women, bonding and spending quality time together, in a real environment. Sure, there are those that delight in the character Jess’ fall from grace, but her new found friends give her the strength to ignore them and discover who she really is.

The first part of the book shows us Jess spending her time in the spotlight, talking about her book and the success it has been. Suddenly, her life spins into a tragic abyss: her husband dies and her children are angry and distant. Jess goes from the top of the world to the bottom, battling depression and self doubt. This could happen to anyone, and the author makes Jess a sympathetic character, someone who is able to help others easily but does not have the answers when it comes to her own problems.

I was quite touched by the love Susie’s friends showed Jess. There was a bit of shock, as Susie introduced the fallen idol to the group, but after a few false starts she was welcomed in and cared for. The scene where all the women shared their personal struggle was quite poignant–I could feel the love!

Graziani has composed a sort of self help book: by reading about the goodness of others and seeing how fictional Jess was able to heal herself, I was cheered up and had more faith in the human race. I know there have been many circumstances where strangers have been kind enough to care for someone struggling through a hard time, but this is such a good feeling way to read about it. The style is a bit different from Graziani’s other book, [easyazon_link identifier=”B00NMNQNOO” locale=”US” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]ALICE OF THE ROCKS[/easyazon_link], but just as readable. The plot is not too complicated, so the message and the intent shines clearly through.

I hope others are able to feel hope and positivity after they finish JESS UNDER PRESSURE. It starts out sad and bleak, but finishes strong. The message is perfect, without being too heavy handed.

Want your own copy? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”B00WN3NEK0″ locale=”US” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, PsyD

June 25, 2015 / Michael Nail / 0 Comments

If you grew up with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parent, you may have lingering feelings of anger, loneliness, betrayal, or abandonment. You may recall your childhood as a time when your emotional needs were not met, when your feelings were dismissed, or when you took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior. These wounds can be healed, and youcan move forward in your life.

In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.

Discover the four types of difficult parents:

The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety. The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone. The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting. The rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory.

In Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (Called ACoEIP hereafter), Lindsay Gibson, PsyD, has provided an exceptional resource for people who grew up lonely within the company of their families.

To preface my review of her book, I must mention that the issue coping with immature parents, resonates strongly with me. I was fortunate enough to know in advance of reading this book that I was a part of its target audience. However, Gibson wisely acknowledges that most of her target audience will believe that their childhood experiences are normal, and that whatever problems they might have had seeking attention growing up was, and still is, their own responsibility to bear.

I would have felt this way not too long ago, and you may feel the same. If a person’s upbringing is likely to seem normal to them even in the absence of a meaningful parent-child emotional connection, how would a potential reader know that a book like this would be for them?

Below is a selection of statements that Gibson includes early on in the book to determine if you are in her target audience. If you find yourself nodding your head while reading these, then ACoEIP may deserve a place on your reading list.

“I was trying harder to understand my parent than my parent was trying to understand me.”

“I always felt that my parent thought I was too emotional or sensitive.”

“My parent rarely apologized or tried to improve the situation when there was a problem between us.”

For most peoples’ childhoods, some of these statements were true some of the time. For some people, these kinds of statements describe the general tenor of life childhood life. That kind of childhood leaves a lot of emotional baggage.

For some, the fallout of such a childhood is that you internalize. Consider this example: You may get yourself into relationships with others where you forego your own wants and needs as the price of admission for respect from the other. You may find yourself filling the requests of others, never asking favors for yourself. Why? Well, if your parents generally reprised you when you expressed desires, then keeping your wants and needs to yourself would be an expected learned behavior. The danger here is that you’ll look at yourself one day, always giving of yourself to others and letting people walk all over you, and decide that you must be a fool, or that you’re just weak, or some other self-diminishing thing. You would be terribly wrong, and a book like this one finds its greatest value in showing its readers why.

The example above is just one of many. The pages of ACoEIP are stuffed to the margins with relatable stories that are never too long, nor too simplified. Gibson speaks with a knowledgeable tone, but without pretense. Her diverse personal background of reading, life experience, and administering therapy shows in her concise writing style. I would not fault her for including more examples that I might have expected from a book like this because none of the examples feel like padding. All of them add unique value to the segments in which they appear.

Even if you’re not sure that this book is for you, I recommend it. If, while reading it, you decide that it isn’t, you will still gain a window into the hearts of those in your life to whom this book does speak.

Want your own copy? Click [easyazon_link identifier=”1626251703″ locale=”US” nw=”y” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

June 23, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

An essential exploration of why and how women’s sexuality works—based on groundbreaking research and brain science—that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy. Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill” for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never exist—but as a result of the research that’s gone into it, scientists in the last few year have learned more about how women’s sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.

I won this book through a Goodreads giveaway! Thanks to Emily Nagoski and Simon & Schuster for contributing the book in exchange for an honest review.

There are many books out there claiming to be the best source of knowledge about the female body; but this one is pretty much on the money. Nagoski talks honestly about what women experience, and why. Her tenet is: we are all alike, but different, we are all normal.

Women may get their knowledge from social media, and therefore have an unrealistic image to live up to. Women may feel “broken” because their bodies don’t react the way they think they should. This feeling is insidious and permeates the brain and hinders sexual pleasure.

Nagoski explains that women have a “brake” and an “accelerator” and that they need to be aware of what hits them, in essence. She talks about “spectatoring” (thinking about yourself in a denigrating way during sex, effectively hitting your brake) and discusses how to love your body.

COME AS YOU ARE is an uplifting, celebrating, and positive book that all women should read. The ideas she puts forth are simple, and she includes worksheets and questions in the book that the reader can use to help them along their journey to better self awareness.

The author includes a chapter on anatomy, which is very thorough and should educate even the most sexually aware person! She also debunks the myths that women’s pleasure is secondary to men’s, or that the purpose of a female is just to procreate. Her message gives women power on every page.

Intertwined with Nagoski’s wisdom are 4 fictional women, each experiencing a different problem. As the book progresses, each woman’s relationship progresses, concurrent with what the author is saying. This way the reader can see how the principles are applied in real life.

What makes this book different from other self help books is that the solutions are put forth for both the mind and the body. It won’t matter if your sex drive is low or high, as the tenets will make many women feel better, both about themselves and about what they feel. Education goes a long way, and this is the author’s aim: to let women know they are normal, while teaching them why this is so. There can be no better message, especially in these times where the average female has a lot of negativity surrounding her. Every woman should read this book, then give it to their partner. There would be more happiness in the world if that occurred.

Want your own copy? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”B00LD1ORBI” locale=”US” nw=”y” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Final Exam: A Surgeon’s Reflections on Mortality by Pauline W. Chen

November 25, 2014 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

[easyazon_image add_to_cart=”default” align=”left” asin=”030727537X” cloaking=”default” height=”500″ localization=”default” locale=”US” nofollow=”default” new_window=”default” src=”http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41cGXo4ZFOL.jpg” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″ width=”324″]

Final Exam was a book I picked up myself from the library. It was on my own personal reading list, which I haven’t been really able to get to these days. This is not a new book; it was published in 2007, but the ideas that Dr Chen speaks of should be relevant and in use today.

The mission of all doctors is to maintain life–by performing surgery, by prescribing medication, by encouraging life changes such as dieting or quitting smoking. But–everyone eventually dies, no matter how brilliant the surgeon was, or how much weight a patient lost. Many doctors gloss over this fact and prefer to focus on living and making a better quality of life.

Who will champion a better quality of death? No, Dr Chen is not going to talk about euthanasia, or discuss funeral services. She is going to bring to the forefront a subject that has been assiduously avoided in human medicine for a long time: death is very much a part of life, and it should not be spoken of in hushed tones or pushed to the back of one’s mind. To truly care for your patients, you must realize that death is truly part of life.

No one wants to consider their own mortality, especially someone who is going to the hospital for an operation. Dr Chen postulates that all doctors can give better care by embracing their own personal feelings and fears about death, and listening to what their patients are telling them, either with words or what their body is saying.

There is a great deal of explicit description in Final Exam: of medical procedures and people struggling to die, those with sickness or those who have developed complications after surgery. Dr Chen starts out with her own personal experience with a cadaver in medical school and brings us all the way to her visceral reaction when a good friend of hers dies.

This book’s message is a powerful one, and not for the faint of heart. I thoroughly applaud Dr Chen for suggesting that doctors make themselves more emotionally available and vulnerable. Too often a patient’s death is couched in a sense of failure, of medicine gone wrong. A delicate balance needs to be attained, and I hope Dr Chen has started a dialogue by writing this book.

I loved this. You can pick up your own copy [easyazon_link asin=”030727537X” locale=”US” new_window=”default” nofollow=”default” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″ add_to_cart=”default” cloaking=”default” localization=”default” popups=”yes”]here[/easyazon_link]!

Also, if you haven’t already, download the Kindle reading app here.

The Last Encore by Julia Butler

October 14, 2014 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

[easyazon_image add_to_cart=”yes” align=”center” asin=”B00L4ROTXC” cloaking=”default” height=”500″ localization=”yes” locale=”US” nofollow=”default” new_window=”default” src=”http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51FPnTOK0RL.jpg” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″ width=”333″]

I received this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This book is apparently based on a true story, regarding an obscure psychological phenomenon. I had not thoroughly read the synopsis and so I kept expecting the book to take a different path. On the surface it is about two people finding each other after a life of disappointment and struggle. The bizarre twist, however, is something that made me cringe.

Katherine Konovka is born with a special talent for music, and she is a gorgeous creature as well. She is married, unhappily, with two children that are her entire life. One day she encounters Daniel, a man a good deal younger than she is. Immediately they have a connection that is ethereal and intense.

Daniel has been searching all his life for a fantasy woman, one that appeared to him (or did she?) as he walked through a forest. He is unable to bond with a woman completely, and goes through life bereft and longing…until he meets Katherine. At that point, their worlds collide and they fall into an erotic and sensual whirlwind, each learning from the other.

Then, tragedy strikes, and events unfold which will affect both of them deeper than they could ever have imagined. I didn’t see the twist coming, and it was, as I mentioned above, cringe-worthy. I can’t tell more without spoilers. For those of you who will get to that point and want to stop reading–keep going. Trust me. It’s worth it to continue on.

This book held my interest and was fairly well written. There were a few instances of awkward/stilted conversation, and scenes that seemed to be written in haste. Other parts of the story seemed to go back and forth in perspective from the present time to the past, and I had to go back and reread a few paragraphs to figure it out. The characters seemed real, and very likeable.

The descriptions make it easy to see in your mind the character’s surroundings, whether it is opulence or poverty. The author shines in showing the reader, rather than telling. Whether it is emotion, room decor, or an outdoor scene, Butler’s choice of words is clear and appropriate.

There are bedroom scenes which are fairly explicit, but not annoyingly so. I’ve seen this book compared to 50 Shades, and it’s NOTHING like it. No BDSM, and the sex does not go on and on. It’s pretty tastefully done and complements the story line.

The Last Encore was a wonderful, quick, enjoyable read. I’m recommending it. Want your own copy? [easyazon_link asin=”B00L4ROTXC” locale=”US” new_window=”default” nofollow=”default” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″ add_to_cart=”yes” cloaking=”default” localization=”yes” popups=”yes”]You can get it here![/easyazon_link] If you haven’t already, download the Kindle reading app here.

Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? by Gina Pera

October 9, 2014 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 4 Comments

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After I read The ADHD Effect on Marriage, I searched for similar books. This one kept popping up and seemed to be highly regarded, so I gave it the highest compliment I could: I purchased a copy.

This book is put together very well, and operates under the premise that ADD is not “so much of a disorder of attention as it is a disorder of self-regulation”, according to psychologist Russell Barkley, who wrote the foreword. The theme of the book is the ‘roller coaster’ that both ADD’ers and non experience on a daily basis, and so the chapter headings are related to our favorite amusement park rides. There are three parts; first, what is ADHD and how it affects you/your partner, second, what happens when you hit rock bottom and either decide to get treatment (or not), and three, how to succeed in building your relationship back with different strategies.

As you read, you get the sense that you are part of a support group, as you read other’s stories and get to know what lessons they have learned along the way. The difference between this book and the one I mentioned above, is that this goes into much more detail, with explanations as to WHY these things happen, and HOW to fix them. I found myself highlighting sections, seeing how there are common threads among ADD’ers and their significant others, and even learning more about brain function. Each chapter contains a few ADHD Partner Snapshot graphs, which show the results of surveys taken from 162 responders.

There are chapters devoted to denial, medications, finances, therapy, co-existing disorders, sex, coping skills, and more. Understanding the spectrum of ADHD takes patience, time, and teamwork, and that is the author’s intent. Where The ADD Effect On Marriage told me about the emotions that ADD’ers experience, this book goes deeper. I learned in real people’s words how they dealt with frustration and despair, and how most (but not all) took steps to regain the love and trust they once felt.

I highly recommend this book, as it gives you strategies and sources for help, without being preachy or too glib. The book concentrates on getting help for both the ADD and non ADD partner, without being too touchy feely. Solutions for issues are discussed from all sides, and are eminently able to accomplish.

Interested? [easyazon_link asin=”0981548709″ locale=”US” new_window=”default” nofollow=”default” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″ add_to_cart=”yes” cloaking=”default” localization=”yes” popups=”yes”]You can pick up a copy here.[/easyazon_link]